Sassy Quip Lover Pillows

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Furniture from hell.

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Home Business - Wife.

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

Cylinder Head

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"In other words homogenius."

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

I need advice and if you ever tall anyone I asked, you're dead. Go ahead. People aren't taking me seriously. When I insult them, they don't seem that bothered. They don't cry or run away like they used to. C'mon, you're plenty offensive. Don't patronize me you @#$% meathead. Wow. Didn't bother me a bit.

I didn't know you worked here - I thought you just dropped in to see your friends.