Sassy Humor Lovers Pillows

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Crap from the future.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Honest Voting Stickers

The Monroe Doctrine

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

Only in America

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Police Lineup Escape

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Dollars Press Conference

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

Spying Smart TV

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"I'm resigning so I can spend more time with my wonderful family, here."

Euro Collapse