Sassy Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Furniture from hell.

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

"Allow me to explain the terms of our easy payment plan."

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

"Every few years, Gordon and the TV get a couple of inches wider."

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

"In other words homogenius."

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"I believe they're a debt collection agency."

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

"The voice pattern is similar to Dad's."

If injury lawyers said what they really mean.

"Sleazy listening FM. We always lower the tone."

'Well you should be able to see other countries around Britain...there's nothing wrong with the equipment.'