Snarky Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Every few years, Gordon and the TV get a couple of inches wider."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Crime in bookshop

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'