Wry Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Grandpa, how come you're so wrinkly?" "Cuz your grandmother has been sucking the life out of me for years."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Trappist Monk Discord

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Crime in bookshop

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

The Frankenstein snowman.

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Inactivists"