Lover Of Wry Humor Pillows

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'You had me at hell.'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'And remember, lady, down here the toilet seat stays up!'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'Pavlov's first experiment'

Home Business - Wife.

Golfer in a tree.

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

'He was run over by our home. We live in a mobile home park.'

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

'You look lovely today.'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

Clueless Driving School.

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

"The procedure took twelve and a half hours, during which time our team of doctors was able to put Mr. Dumpty together again."