Wry Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Grandpa, how come you're so wrinkly?" "Cuz your grandmother has been sucking the life out of me for years."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Trappist Monk Discord

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'What does it say, Dad?'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

The Frankenstein snowman.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

Tasty.

"Inactivists"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."