Bitter Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"My Ex met his new squeeze at a wedding. . .It was our wedding!"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I've got it made in the shade. What worries me is sunshine.'

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Pokemon Get Lost

"Inactivists"

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Prescription Drugs '96.