Sassy Dialogue Enthusiast Pillows

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Could I ask just one question?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Exciting potato bugs.

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Attention Span Man

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"What do you mean 'This affair is going nowhere'? This isn't nowhere."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'