Sassy Talker Pillows

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Furniture from hell.

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

'She taught me that copping an attitude will get you everything.'

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

"In other words homogenius."

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

"Sleazy listening FM. We always lower the tone."

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

The quest for spinsterhood.

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

"You can't be too thin, too rich or too catty."

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball on global warming.

A Fact.

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

A lady teaching a young man to write

'The computer's running on at the mouth again.'