Saucy Humor Pillows

"I've just had my panel 5 beaten...."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Trump

May all your birthday wishes come true..

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

'My member requires some interest.'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

An artist waits to ambush an easel

Man Exchanges Heads In Desk Trays

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

Uniporn

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

'Hmm... The weather report says we're going to get a foot of snow!'

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

'He just got the bill for his grief counseling.'

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"