Saucy Humor Gifts

"I've just had my panel 5 beaten...."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Trump

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

May all your birthday wishes come true..

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

'My member requires some interest.'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

An artist waits to ambush an easel

Man Exchanges Heads In Desk Trays

Adult Magician

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

'Hmm... The weather report says we're going to get a foot of snow!'

I wish I never had to ride on another bus for as long as I live. Is there a Greek God of cabs I can pray to? I think his name is "Hackus." Bus.

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

Uniporn

Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

'He just got the bill for his grief counseling.'