Dry Humor Gifts

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Out To Lurch

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

The practical psychopath

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

End the Winter Blues

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Housekeeping?!"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The Eggsorcist"

Zombies.

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Optimist

"Look, I'm dying. Gotta go."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

Trump