Dry Humor Aficionados Gifts

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

End the Winter Blues

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"Puss in cement boots"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'Will you be wanting this?'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

"Hello, and welcome to Victor and Igor's latest unboxing video."

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

"My new day job is killing me."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Mr Bush? I have a little job for you in North Korea..."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

Bank Robbery Statistics

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'