Dry Humor Aficionados Pillows

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

End the Winter Blues

"Puss in cement boots"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'Will you be wanting this?'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

"Hello, and welcome to Victor and Igor's latest unboxing video."

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

"My new day job is killing me."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

"Mr Bush? I have a little job for you in North Korea..."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

Tom's last day.