Lovers Of Dry Humor Pillows

I believe I'm on the national "Do Not Call" list. Oh, that's all right, sir. We're on the national "We Don't Care" list.

'Brilliant - cold porridge and stale bread again!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

Advent Calender.

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"You've been a very bad man and we like that. So now, we're going to send you to London."

'... Get set... Wait! We forgot the water!'

Virtual interview.

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

Bed of Nails on Holiday

"It looks as though plan A has backfired!"

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

Imagine the mess the world woudl be in if we didn't have the best executives money can buy running it.

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

Proposed Site for New Three Storey Mirage

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'The big guy wants to see you.'

'Hey, honey! Come look at all these scary mortgage lenders and Wall Street bankers!'

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MEGALOMANIAC TO WORK HERE, BUT IT SURE DOES HELP!

"Jeremy called our relationship 'crunchy.'"