Fans Of Dry Humor Pillows

'It's a shame it took me so long to learn how to just enjoy being p**sed-off.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Raised by Dogs

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

'Hon, I'm home!'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"Hello, and welcome to Victor and Igor's latest unboxing video."

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"Mr Bush? I have a little job for you in North Korea..."

"My new day job is killing me."

Bank Robbery Statistics

Make your own bottled water.

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'Now let's explore your dark side.'

"It looks as though plan A has backfired!"

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

Death Takes A Time-Share

"Your four-o'clock is here."

Pass the SPF 20,000

Bed of Nails on Holiday

Zombie Pulse Eating Vegans.