Dry Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Pastries and Candy

"Puss in cement boots"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

End the Winter Blues

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'Will you be wanting this?'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

Bank Robbery Statistics