Dry Humor Aficionado Gifts

Finally, a cable network aimed at me. "You're watching the Pointless Existence Channel."

'It says, 'Just add water.''

'... Get set... Wait! We forgot the water!'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Vlad the Impala

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Trappist Monk Discord

"Needs to get a life"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?