Sassy Gifter Pillows

Say it with cacti

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

Christmas Presents.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Shop for cats

Bagel problems.

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

"Christmas is almost here! Remember, it's the greatest happiness to give. And I want all of you to be very happy this year."

'It the thought that counts.'

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

'The mice gave me this present. Lovely gesture.'

Make Your Own

"Do you have something that says, 'Quit stalking me'?"

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

Christmas postie!

"Happy birthday!"

"What?! You wanted an Easter egg, and this is one!"

"It's my Dad's Birthday. Could you gift wrap it?"

While Santa's Hybrid Sled has made environmentalists and animal rights activists happy, there isn't much room left for toys.

'Don't bother using the cash machine on the High St. I've worn it out.'

"Wow! Something to roll in! Thanks!!!"

"Good Grief! He thinks he is Santa Claus!"

"I've brought you a plant to keep you company."

"I got a watch of sorts when I retired...they gave me the old security camera I sat beneath for 20 years."

'All I want for Christmas is a nice big roll of tape to wrap around my mouth.'