Cheeky Gifter Pillows

'It the thought that counts.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Please enter your pin now.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

WC problem.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Sticking out tongue

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Bagel problems.

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

'Sure - They're still chocolates. It's just that the liver-shaped box was cheaper than the heart-shaped one.'

'They think I can walk on water.'