Cheeky Gift-giver Pillows

'What do you give a man who has everything?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

Shop for cats

Sticking out tongue

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

WC problem.

"This locket contains my very first username and password."

Knowing that Roger loathed the new cat, Janelle tried to win him over by knitting him a pair of boxers made out of fur balls.

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'