Cheeky Gift-giver Pillows

'What do you give a man who has everything?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

Sticking out tongue

WC problem.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Shop for cats

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'