Cheeky Card Sender Pillows

"We spent a fortune on those gifts, and they couldn't even get us a card!"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

I can't smile without you...

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Sticking out tongue

"Read the card! Read the card!"

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

'Big Issue!'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

Post early for Christmas 2010.

"Your dump or mine..?"

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

Personalized Tax-Return Mailers.

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

'It the thought that counts.'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

Christmas postie!

'Between us we've got 2000 Facebook friends, but we only know one person well enough to send us a Christmas card.'

Clean Fill Wanted

'The post is so unreliable - these days I have to slit birthday card envelopes myself so it looks like i put some money in.'

'Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid...CUPID?!'

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Boy stays on grandpa's 'check list.'