Card Sender Humorist Pillows

"Writing Christmas cards shouldn't be this complicated dear!"

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

Daffodil bulbs

I can't smile without you...

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Surreal Ale Pub.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'Vacuums!'

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

'Be careful opening this...it's marked dangerous goods.'

Bunny express,

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

Post early for Christmas 2010.

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

'He's our Spam expert!'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Spam Folders

'Gentlemen, I have evidence that one of us is a spy.'

"Dude, don't say it..."

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

'DO me a favor. Don't keep saying 'Hi. How's it going?' whenever you swim past me.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

'Between us we've got 2000 Facebook friends, but we only know one person well enough to send us a Christmas card.'

Christmas postie!

"He's been carrying out cyber attacks."

Daybreak at bulb camp

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

'The post is so unreliable - these days I have to slit birthday card envelopes myself so it looks like i put some money in.'

Light Switch