Sarcastic Wit Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm looking for an assistant that's not afraid of a little degradation.'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Redhead

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Men working (part time).

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'He lost his whistle,'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"It floated. I want my money back."

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"