Sarcastic Humor Aficionado Gifts

Thank you cards for Ralph Nader

"Allow me to explain the terms of our easy payment plan."

"Here's your receipt sir - and don't forget to waste precious minutes of your life going online and leaving feedback on this meaningless retail transaction..."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'He lost his whistle,'

'Of course this makes your old masters al look now so very contrived.'

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

"It floated. I want my money back."

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."