Sarcastic Humor Lover Gifts

Complaints Dept in baskets marked Rage/Outrage.

Boss to secretary, "I've got to cut my overheads Miss Wilson. Arrange for the sale of my wife and children will you?"

'Sorry, we couldn't pry the remote from his fingers.'

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

'We may have found the guy who invented dynamite.'

Two men with very low slung trousers assessing the leaning tower of Pisa; 'No way is that going to fall down anytime soon.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

"If your volunteering goes well then we MAY be able to offer you an unpaid internship and THAT could lead to a 'ZERO' hours contract!"

'I've got a picture og my boss in my wallet, Whenever I feel too happy, I take a look at it,'

'I hate to see you working so hard...close the door would you, dear!'

'I told Brenda not to wear her zebra-print dress!'

'I'll get back to you in a minute, I've got a customer right now...'

Derek had head-hunted most of his staff from other companies

'Take my advice - give up trying to make him notice you.'

'Don't get worked up - that's one you didn't bail out.'

'He's out hunting for open wounds and won't be back until he needs more salt.'

"Climate change? That's about as likely as a meteorite..."

"Humans are very open-minded!"

Is my driving p***ing you off yet?

"We are not very happy about being seated next to the lavatories!"

"God, I'll never eat another hot dog again after seeing how they're made!"

Sarcasm therapy

"It says the box is NOT a toy and needs to be kept away from children."

"Tell your mum and dad I'd be very happy to pay the fines if they would take you out of school during term time!"

'Trust Me, I am an Estate Agent.'

"Couldn't you take the shed outside dear?"

"This stain is the salmon and spinach dish that has been very popular today. This is just the blood of a customer who didn't leave a proper tip."

"Last year I took her to the Galapagos Islands, but she still found her way back."

POETRY READING FROM HELL: '1001 Recovering and Healing Haikus.'

My parents went to a t-shirt shop and all they got me was this lousy tattoo.

'The price of gas went up while you were filling up.'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

Gravestone: 'I still had the right of way.'

'Oh well, there's always Photoshop!'