Sarcastic Humor Lovers Gifts

"Well, you're looking 'trim' today."

"Wait till you see the state of your Mother!"

"Now you wouldn't want me to go through life without experiencing the joys of Father's Day... would you?

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

'He just got the bill for his grief counseling.'

The Direct Male Market: Feigned Sincerity Greetings!

'Jehovah's victims' 'Jehovah's witnesses'

'I've got Olympic Fatigue.'

Crushed By A Cupid...Another Inevitable Side Effect Of The Obesity Epidemic.

"Sorry, I'm unable to help you...our computers have been down for days, but I can read to you from our glossy advertising brochure and tell you all about our outstanding, competent and fast service!

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

How About Serving Us For a Change

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Men working (part time).

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'He lost his whistle,'