Sarcastic Humor Lovers Gifts

"Well, you're looking 'trim' today."

I wish I never had to ride on another bus for as long as I live. Is there a Greek God of cabs I can pray to? I think his name is "Hackus." Bus.

Perhaps you can settle something for us. The waitress says you asked for a parasol because you think tiny raindrops might fall in your drink. The bouncer says it's a signal to fellow cult members. The manager says it's a cry for help. I say you're just a pretentious jerk. So ... who's right? ! !

I gave you that report a month ago, and you're still sitting on it? Well done!

"Wait till you see the state of your Mother!"

"Now you wouldn't want me to go through life without experiencing the joys of Father's Day... would you?

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

'He just got the bill for his grief counseling.'

The Direct Male Market: Feigned Sincerity Greetings!

'Jehovah's victims' 'Jehovah's witnesses'

'I've got Olympic Fatigue.'

Crushed By A Cupid...Another Inevitable Side Effect Of The Obesity Epidemic.

"Sorry, I'm unable to help you...our computers have been down for days, but I can read to you from our glossy advertising brochure and tell you all about our outstanding, competent and fast service!

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

Exciting potato bugs.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).