Sarcastic Humor Aficionados Gifts

Shall I cough on your tires while I'm at it?

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

Exciting potato bugs.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

Men working (part time).

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"It floated. I want my money back."

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...