Sarcastic Humor Aficionados Pillows

Shall I cough on your tires while I'm at it?

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Redhead

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'He lost his whistle,'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

"It floated. I want my money back."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'