Sarcastic Humor Fans Pillows

Sun may cause cancer.

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Shorter Working Hours Now!

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

Exciting potato bugs.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Redhead

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

Men working (part time).

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'He lost his whistle,'

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

"It floated. I want my money back."

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...