Sarcastic Humor Fans Pillows

Sun may cause cancer.

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Shorter Working Hours Now!

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

Under New Mismanagement

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"It floated. I want my money back."

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?