Sarcastic Walker Pillows

"We should never take walks like this more often."

Clancy:Long Walks

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

'Republican Valentines' They really love the word 'NO!'

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

'Touch wood'

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.

"If I step back a little, that should fix it."

Diet Foods: Bread and Water

Such a Coincidence

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."