Sarcastic Traveler Pillows

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

Places of dis-interest - Norfolk.

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"We should never take walks like this more often."

"Hell: The Airport"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death."

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

Weight loss programme.

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

You said it was "take your child to work" day. You didn't say anything about bringing him back.

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.