Sarcastic Travelers Pillows

"Hell: The Airport"

The First Fire Stick

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"Dad, I'm nearly eighteen. I'm old enough to get divorce if I want"

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

Weight loss programme.

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'Oh, yeah, they take you in, dress you up and make a big fuss over you...then one day, you're out on the curb waiting for the wood chipper!'