Sarcastic Camper Pillows

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Hell: The Airport"

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

Hang In There, Baby!

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'Although he can't come to the phone right now, he wouldn't like you to know that your call is of no interest to him.'

"I see that failure isn't an option for you, is it? More of an imperative."

"A fortnight's holiday in Spain, and you bring a gift of a measly pebble? Well, I suppose it's a change from a flippin' mug!"

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

'Touch wood'

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

"Happy Birthday, dear. Remember. . . it's the thought that counts!"

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

"Just in case ... "

"Hello, Miss Brophy? How are my dot.com shares doing at the moment?"

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

Cards: Get Well Get hit by a Bus