Sarcastic Player Pillows

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

Double your salary - Xerox your paycheck.