Sarcastic Charmer Pillows

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Redhead

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'He lost his whistle,'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."