Sarcastic Adventurer Pillows

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Hell: The Airport"

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"How about fashionably never?"

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

The canteen food's pretty awful...

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19