Sarcastic Camper Gifts

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Hell: The Airport"

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Hang In There, Baby!

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'Although he can't come to the phone right now, he wouldn't like you to know that your call is of no interest to him.'

"I see that failure isn't an option for you, is it? More of an imperative."

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

"A fortnight's holiday in Spain, and you bring a gift of a measly pebble? Well, I suppose it's a change from a flippin' mug!"

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

'Touch wood'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

"Happy Birthday, dear. Remember. . . it's the thought that counts!"

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

"Hello, Miss Brophy? How are my dot.com shares doing at the moment?"

"Just in case ... "

Cards: Get Well Get hit by a Bus

Man Jumps on the 'Guide: How to make money'.