Sarcastic Vacationer Gifts

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

"Make a sandcastle with you? Of course darling. What about Thursday 3.15pm?"

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

Climate change

'Sure, sure - I'm having a great vacation.'

Newton's vacation

"Hell: The Airport"

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

The US election is over.

'A lab had me smoking cigarettes for months. I'm living off my disability payments. You?'

'Why are you still sitting here, dear? This is a tropical getaway. It means, get away!'

"Did you pack your own bags?"

English Summer: Man in a tanning bed on the beach in the middle of a storm.

"Endless Summer III"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

"As the owner of a hotel chain, I found being shipwrecked quite a challenge."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

Nude Beach/Perv Bluff

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'I'd like to time my vacation to when my mate is in heat.'

"You know your problem, Monte? There's more to life than always checking how your stocks are doing."

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

"I should've known better than to AirBNB from a bird."

"Yes, it is true! I've finally persuaded Derek to take a holiday."

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

'SHOP!!!'