Sarcastic Traveler Gifts

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

Places of dis-interest - Norfolk.

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"We should never take walks like this more often."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Hell: The Airport"

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

Weight loss programme.

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

'Touch wood'