Sarcastic Reveler Gifts

"Christmas is like a day at work? You do all the work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

The canteen food's pretty awful...

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"You really should take some art classes. That doesn't look anything like me."

'It's HIS fault, he was doing the speed limit!'

"How did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

"Whoa ... hints of rotting carcass, putrid skunk flesh, bear dung, and dead fish. It's fabulous!"

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

Real Life Bookshop.

"But make of it what you will, for I am but a beast cloaked in man flesh."

You could have fooled me!

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."