Sarcastic Dreamer Gifts

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Mime Tug-of-War

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

'So, did I get the job?'

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"I'm not whining."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'