Sarcastic Sojourner Gifts

"Just in case ... "

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Hell: The Airport"

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"This rush-rush life is getting old. Sometimes, I think about moving back to the land where I way born. What do you think, Baldo? What would you miss the most?"

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

Alice in Wonderland: Flamingo Croquet.

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

There is a new Reaper in town

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"

'I appreciate all of your opinions... I just don't want to hear them.'

Places of dis-interest - Norfolk.

New Seaside Development.

'Tell them we're temporarily out of deep concern. Will they settle for shallow compassion?'

"No, I have not let Jesus into my life, as he might ring the doorbell when I'm dozing on the sofa."

"Christmas is like a day at work? You do all the work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit."