Sarcastic Dreamer Pillows

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'Wow, this guy is DEEP.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

Mime Tug-of-War

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

"I'm not whining."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"Baseball is boring."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

'So, did I get the job?'

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'