Sarcastic Travel Planner Gifts

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'Are we broke yet?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Hell: The Airport"

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Where should we fly to for our next vacation?"

"Have you decided where to travel?"

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Mabel, you are becoming a control freak..."

"How about fashionably never?"

'The Federal Government today issued an order to American citizens to stay out of countries whose names begin with a 'B'....'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'A sea view would be nice-Black Sea for him,Red Sea for me!'

Signpost to London and Cairo with Umbrella and Parasol.