Sarcastic Meal Planner Gifts

"Steamed kale is best with something tasty sprinkled on top. Like a large pepperoni pizza."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"How was the food sir?"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

"It's blank!!"

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'What would you recommend for a person on a diet?' 'A glass of iced tea and a hefty tip.'

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.

'I found this Happy Meal to mildly amusing at best.'

'5 hygiene stars! Shame the food tastes like toilet tissue!'

Watermelon Cult

"I loved your E-mail, but I thought you'd be older."