Sarcastic Meal Planner Gifts

"Steamed kale is best with something tasty sprinkled on top. Like a large pepperoni pizza."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"How was the food sir?"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"It's blank!!"

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'Excuse me, ma'am, there's a fly in my...'

'What would you recommend for a person on a diet?' 'A glass of iced tea and a hefty tip.'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

'I found this Happy Meal to mildly amusing at best.'

'5 hygiene stars! Shame the food tastes like toilet tissue!'

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.

Watermelon Cult

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

Would you like to start by complaining about an appetizer? Or are you ready to go ahead and complain about a meal?

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."