Sarcastic Weight Watcher Pillows

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"We should never take walks like this more often."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Fat man on scales.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Scales

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Weight Gain Denial

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."