Sarcastic Shopper Pillows

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

Shop called 'Anyone but Bob' - Serving Almost Everyone

I'm not welcome at Computer Villa? You're broke. You can't buy anything. But I've been a loyal customer for years. Can I just window shop? Oh, sure. And can I come over to your house and peer inside and annoy you by not buying anything?! Retailers are upset and making no sense. Go ye into the wilderness!

Attention, shoppers! Aisle seven! Birds Eye frozen peas and carrots! Two for one!

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

No - I do not have a loyalty card.

Bottled water. Frozen water concentrate.

'I'll take this one it matches my mood.'

"I got a 'two for one' on the headstones."

Another day at work would be one too many...

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Pirates at the mall.

They get into debt so fast these days...

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Seven deadly sins store

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

Cash Rebate

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"How was the food sir?"

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."