Sarcastic Spender Pillows

"My consumer confidence has been replaced with consumer sarcasm."

'These days, if you have to ask, you can't afford ANYTHING.'

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

"How was the food sir?"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

80 Million Euros for a football player.

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"I'm still spending a lot of money, but I'm spending it ironically."

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

"It's only by cultivating a deep mutual trusting relationship with clients that you'll get the chance to shaft them more than once!"

'Don't bother using the cash machine on the High St. I've worn it out.'

Watermelon Cult